I don’t feel like I’m dead, in fact I don’t feel anything. The pain in my head a few seconds ago has been vanished, the confusion around me is been settled. Suddenly the world is clear and static, clear has it never been.
I’m in the middle of the road where it happened, my body lay motionless on the side of the road, its eyes are red and there’s blood dripping from its nose. I recognize my face instantly which I saw frequently in my reflections and photos. But still I don’t feel like I’m dead, it only feels like I lost something, some important part of me. I stare at my face for a long time, at least it felt long. And then I sense someone’s coming, but there very far away from my body, but I can see them clearly, I can hear their words and I can hear their thoughts too. It’s like I’m everywhere and also nowhere. After sometime they surround my body, they frantically did something to it, pushing my chest downward hard, keeping their ear near it with a hope of hearing a heartbeat, and again pushing. It went for a while they give up, covers its face with white cloth. Some of them felt sad, some of them scolded god for doing this.
I left the place which I don’t feel any need to be anymore. I start wandering, I go high into the obscure space, and I see the planets, stars, and galaxies. There was a time that I watched them for hours and hoped to reach them, but I don’t care anymore, I have to do something more important. I have to find something. The universe is a dark place with some occasional lights, I travel for a long time searching for something which I’m not sure what it is. Eventually I started feeling sad and alone, I don’t know where to go or what to do. The vast emptiness of the space starts to fill me in, I travel as far as I could, stars and galaxies aren’t enough to replace my emptiness. After a while I get enlighten with the fact that the universe has no end at all, I feel like a dog chasing its own tail. No matter how much distance you travel you will see no end, the universe is like a fast growing balloon, no matter how fast you travel it still beats you and is reluctant to show its end. I wonder when it’s going to blast.
I can’t take this solitary anymore, I still didn’t know what I am searching for, but I decide to return to my home, the only place that is alive, like me. I returns to earth and finds the beautiful green earth, half glowing with the sun’s eternal light. I find fascinating that People talking to each other, sharing their ideas, views and feelings. They enjoy being with each other, they love and kill each other, they care and ignore each other, but at the end they are always together. I feel rejoice to see them again, to hear their thoughts, they are so intriguing. I still wander desperately searching for something that may not exist at all. I try talking to them and the words get stuck on me, I talked before, a long time ago but now it seems impossible it’s like don’t know how to talk. I feel alone more than ever, I want to talk, I want to share my feelings, but I know I can’t. How come I don’t have anyone to talk, to love, to take care of, it’s not fair. I enter into a vast greenish forest, the life in forest is different. The little birds are playing a beautiful song, the animals are moving hastily with no other intention than to fill their bellies. I see a beautiful flower there, it has five petals with light yellow color with dark-red centre, it fascinates me. The petals are so delicate and sensitive. I stare at it, the desire to touch it, to feel it, starts filling me in, but it’s an impossible task for me, it’s like I lack something very important to accomplish it. I stumble away from there disappointedly, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what I can do either, I want to cry but I can’t, the feeling of emptiness starts subjugating me.
I waited for a long time for some miracle to happen, for someone to come and save me from this agony. But nothing happen, I stay where I am and the world is moving without me like I am not part of it anymore. I feel isolated, rejected and trivial in this world. Then I realize what I’m searching for, I am searching a way communicate with the world, I want to be a part of the world, to move with it, to live again, to love and be loved. But how? How can I be like them, they have a perfect system to do everything, they have senses to feel, vocal cord which vibrates medium around them to pass information, what I have is nothing. Suddenly I find myself stumbling towards my body, where I have last seen it. The place is empty leaving no clue about my body, I wonder where they have taken it. I start searching for it, first time feeling delight to be aware of what I am searching. I find that my body has been disintegrated long time ago, I get disappoint, but I knew something now, I have to get some system to communicate with the world, some system which is capable of vibrating the air to create sound and with senses which detects the external information, with arms and legs that helps to survive, system with a mind that controls all the actions and stores information. There are a lot of bodies being created and equally being destroyed in the world, every species has its own advantages and disadvantages, but I knew better than to take any other body other than human, may be others like me didn’t know that, we can’t really blame them for that, the temptation is too great to wait for a better system like human, some will choose to take any body available just to elude this solitude. But human body has the greatest capability than any other in the world to express views, to share knowledge, to gain control.
At last I find it, the solution for my problems, the end of my solitude, the goal of my life. I can see that my friends are eagerly waiting for me. I’m so excited, to see myself once more in the mirror, to feel the smoothness of the flower petals, to talk to someone, to love and to be loved.